Stories from Asia... pt I... A look at the Sun

Once this summer I was feeling frustrated with the fact that God felt far from me. I was there to talk to people about Him, to teach what I believe is true, but still, the God I want others to know felt far. Why?! One evening, I climbed to the roof of my dorm building to catch the sunset. I had lived in a huge city for a few weeks at this point, and actually had not been able to watch the sunset because of buildings and pollution and time. (Many of you know this, but I usually try to pause daily to watch the sunset in Dallas. If I can make it to White Rock, I'm there. If not, the DTS parking lot will do). So anyway, as soon as I set foot on this roof and looked up, my heart skipped a beat. I didn't even realize how much I had missed nature and creation until that moment.
I sat down, and just lost it, crying because I was mad at God for feeling far away. I begged Him to please come and sit with me for just a little bit, to reassure me that this is all for real. But as I was doing so, I noticed that I could not look directly at the sunset. Not just the sun, but the whole scene. For whatever reason, the beauty was just too harsh, too glaring, too brilliant for my eyes. I had to look out to the North and just try to enjoy the view out of the corner of my eyes. As I did so, I realized the irony of that moment. I couldn't even look at the sun, but I was asking it's Maker reveal Himself physically to me. I felt God say, "Daughter, you don't know what you're asking. You cannot see me. But you can see enough to know." And it's true. Is not God infinitely more bright than the sun? Am I really ready to be blasted into smithereens by His glory? If found myself on my knees on the roof, thanking Him for His patience with me, and acknowledging that He has done enough in my life.
Sometimes I get frustrated with God's value system. You see, God values faith. He has given us plenty of testimonies to point to Him, (History, Logic, Relationship, Beauty, to name a few), and He asks us to trust Him. But really, it just doesn't matter if I get frustrated or not. Faith is what God asks, faith is what I can give Him. He deserves it.
I long for the day when my faith shall be made sight, but for now, we live by faith, and not by sight. We cannot avoid it. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE will put their faith in something.