Elder Bugs

There are bugs in my house sometimes. This bugs me. I see something scurrying out of the corner of my eye, and it doesn't matter if I've been curled up with a blanket and tea and a book in a world of meditative serenity. I become lethal. I HI-YA them from wherever I am. Picture a levitating kung-fu Abby springing from my comfy chair with whatever happens to be in my hand (a coaster? A coffee mug? My journal?) You might want to check for bug guts before handling my things.

In college I used to try guide bugs outside. (Unless they were roaches. Roaches have no right to live).  I would pick them up and guide them out and not squash them. But now I live on the second floor and it's my home and I've got to many important things to do. I've been justifying my enter-and-die policy. So now I have guilt for the bug massacre that has been occurring without anyone's knowledge but my own and God's, and I planned a public confession on my blog. That would have been it, and then I could have kept killing because most of you would have told me to get over it. But then it got complicated.

I found out the other day that the bugs I've been killing are called elder bugs. Not roaches or black killers or scurry ticks. No, I have been visited by elder bugs. I felt bad enough killing them before, but now that I look at them carefully, I notice they are not really scurrying; they are walking in a dignified, tired manner. They appear to have little elder bug shawls and elder bug hats. To confirm the meaningful connection between name and creature, several bugs have just keeled over and died right in front of me without me doing anything. I'm convinced. They're elderly. So kung-fu Abby, (who never felt completely at ease as a bug killing machine), has become more of a geriatric bug specialist. I gently guide them out the door, thank them for coming and tell them I'm going to be really busy so it might not be the best time for visits.

"What's in a name? A rose by any other name..." Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore aren't thou here to convince me? I'm telling you, there is something in a name. As long as these bugs are elderly, I simply can't squash them.

I think life is hard sometimes.