what He did for me today.

God did some really great things for me today, really great. God is always so good, but for some reason today, he just loved on me. Here are two smallish ways...

1) I got sick at the gym while working out, and for some reason felt really dizzy. So I just went outside where my gym has this little outdoor track and garden. It is a small haven in a busy part of town, and I just sat under this awning and watched the storm and talked to God. It was just simple, beautiful, and redemptive (turning feeling yuck into something so good.)

2) Christen and I spend two hours at Cheesecake Factory talking about God, and how He's real, and how we know Him, and how we can do what we were created to do... worship. It was such a rich and filling evening (taste and tummy wise, as well as heart wise).

Here are two big ways, at least, big to me.

1) While at Cheesecake Factory, Christen mentioned that it was hard to believe that God loves us. I responded that yes, sometimes it's hard, but it is so great that whether we believe it or not, He loves us the same. And right then, in that moment, as I said it, I believed that God loves me. My mind flashed back to six months go when I prayed (as I mentioned in an earlier blog) that God would teach me this year about His love for me. I wrote in that earlier blog that God had decided to teach me about faith instead. But now, I see that love follows quickly on faith's heels. As I choose to believe, regardless of how I feel, God is pleased by my faith. To love Him is to obey him. And now I can honestly say that I believe God loves me in a deeper way than I believed it six months ago. May the same be true of me every six months, every year, as I grow to believe Him more.
Six months ago when I prayed that, I was sitting at a cafe journaling with Christen beside me. As I spoke the words, "God loves me" I gasped with realization that not only had He answered my prayer, he had allowed me to share both the prayer and the answer with my dear dear friend. How extravagant is His love! And then...

2) This could take too much explaining, so I'm going to be a bit brief and vague, but many of you know that I have struggled with some major anxiety in the past couple of years. God is teaching me so much through anxiety, and though it has been horrible at times, I can honestly say, I wouldn't trade it. My two most painful experiences with anxiety last year happened in restaurants. Once was in Deep Sushi with my father. We were out to lunch, and all of the sudden, for no apparent reason I was absolutely paralyzed with fear. It was totally irrational, and embarrassing to admit, but I couldn't think clearly, and was literally counting the minutes to when we'd be done. My dad and I have a good relationship, and when I got home to my apartment, I wept with frustration, not understanding why I felt like I did, wishing I could just calm down and enjoy his company. The other experience was similar, but about a month later in a restaurant with a bunch of friends. They were good friends, safe people, but nonetheless, I felt completely panicked, and miserable.
Well, today my dad came up to help me move some things, and we chose to go to Deep Sushi again for lunch. It was halfway through a peaceful, joyful lunch before I remembered my last experience there. And, amazingly, the waiter had sat us at the exact same table. This time it was so different! I was so different. I thanked God silently for the tiny picture of redemption in that simple lunch. Tonight, as Christen and I were driving back from dinner, I told her that story, and as I was telling it, remembered that my other anxious restaurant moment was at Cheesecake Factory! God allowed me to go to both places in the same day, with peace and joy in my heart. Again, how extravagant! The lunch would have been enough, but this was just too much. How deep the Father's love for us, indeed.

Amen!

random

I am pretty tired, but don't want to go to bed yet, so I thought I'd share a poem from the past.

Fitting In (to be read with a country accent)

Sometimes, when things don't fit, it kinda gets you down.

like when your cars to big for the parking spot,
or your pants don't zip and you know they ought,
or the freezer's jammed and you've got a bag of ice,
or your in the mood for chick flicks and your date brought poltergeist.

Other times when things don't fit, it kinda makes you smile.

like the large bearded man in the tiny green slug bug,
or the suddenness of a from behind hug
or the hippie wearing flip flops in the dead of december
or the smell at the mall that forced you to remember

the seventh grade, when nobody fit
and everything is awkward and life's a total pit.
cause you're working your tail off to figure out who you should be
though the moments when you just are, are the moments when you're free.

How Deep the Father's Love for Us.

Sometimes, life is so rich I feel like a life-glutton. Ali’s wedding was one of these times. On Saturday, moments before the wedding I stood at the back of the church waiting to walk down the aisle, and time stood still. Friends and family were all in the sanctuary, looking forward. Ali’s friends were lined up in front of me, and then Keila, my youngest sister, Katie, the next youngest, then me.

I should take a moment to write about my sisters. Oh, where to start. Honestly, I can hardly even write those girls names without tearing up. My relationship with my sisters is one of the most precious things I have on this earth. It may be the most precious. I love them more than life, and they me. There is a solidarity amongst us that has grown so strong these last couple of years. The reason? First off, of course, we are family. I was five when Keila was born, and the small difference that five years makes has grown smaller and smaller as we’ve grown older. Now I truly consider Keila one of my closest friends, not just my little sister. Secondly, each of these girls is devoted to Jesus Christ. They love Him so much, seek Him daily, are bold when initiating confrontation, and humble when receiving it. We pray together every time we get together. Please understand, this is no holier-than-thou speech. This is me, sitting in absolute awe and humble gratitude at what God has given me.

So I stood with my two beautiful sisters in front of me, and I looked back. There was my father (who deserves a whole blog for himself… he is… wonderful) and Ali, so small, with such significant joy and beauty. This was when time stopped for me. Just for a moment. I watched my sister kiss my dad, and felt the fullness of what was happening. God had written a love story, and two people full of integrity, compassion and joy, were joining to become one. My best friend was marrying the man she loved passionately. My little sister was leaving us, and there would no longer be four Lorenc girls. My dad was giving away his beloved daughter. The four of us were within five feet of one another, so close in distance, but while Katie and Keila and I shared much of the same heart, Ali’s attention was elsewhere, as it should be. The love for my family, the joy at God’s provision in Danny, the sorrow at saying goodbye to a season in our lives, the awe and worship that had welled up in me were just too much. Time stopped so that my heart could catch up, and I could start breathing again.

Life’s richness has continued to blow me away. Today I sat in an art museum with a beautiful friend, and we looked across the room at an enormous photograph of a young boy. It was full of deep blues, rose reds and golds, and the boy was poor and serious. I thought my heart would break because of the incredible mix of pain and joy, beauty and hideousness, sorrow and laughter all going on in the world. My eyes were swimming in tears, and we bowed to pray for the boy, and to thank God for creating this life. I know that the beauty is due entirely to the Creator, and that without a relationship with him, creation loses its very flavor and color. Not only is a relationship with God worth so much more than His blessings, but His blessings mean NOTHING without Him. I have to go now, but I am very blessed to be alive today. So are you.

To Ali and Danny

Tomorrow my little sister is getting married to a man who has won not only her heart, but the hearts of everyone in our family by his commitment to Christ and his love for her. Anyone who knows me knows that I admire and respect Ali as much as any woman in this world. She is steadfast, compassionate, mature and gentle, and she loves her Lord. I kind of knew she would marry first, though I would be lying to say I have dealt with it perfectly gracefully this whole time. However, I never really believed I would actually want her to marry and leave us. Until I met Danny. I can honestly say, my sister is better off in his hands. She is all those things I listed above, but since meeting him, she has become more comfortable in her own skin. He has loved her this short time with a love imitating the love of Christ, and because of this she believes more now than two years ago that she is precious in His sight.
Tonight at the rehearsal dinner the floor was opened to "roast and toast" the happy couple. It took forever, because these two have significantly impacted so many lives in that room. Each person stood up and praised Danny for his humility, his leadership, his intentionality in the lives of the men around him, and praised Ali for her faithfulness, her devotion, and the simple way in which she lives. I watched Ali and Danny as their eyes teared up, and know them well enough to know that they were deflecting the glory to their Lord, knowing these good things are from Him. There was no self-depreciation in their eyes. I saw humble gratitude there, and Christ was glorified.
This time tomorrow, Ali and Danny will have left the reception, and I have no doubt that there will be a small hollowness in my heart where they are now. But the overwhelming sentiment will be joy at what God can do in two people that love him, and gratitude that I get a front row seat to their lives. My sister is out now, spending a few more minutes with her fiance. And when she gets back it will be one more night of pj's, excitement, and Lorenc sister solidarity before she goes. I'm going to go now and soak it up. But before I did, I just had to give one more toast. To Ali and Danny. May your life together glorify our God.

the storm

She had a storm inside of her. She felt it brewing months ago, but hushed and hushed and hushed it. Wasn’t her life supposed to be characterized by peace and joy? Shhh… she whispered to the storm. I am not supposed to feel you.
She smiled and became more centered on the outside. She spoke truth into the lives of others. She shared her faith. But the storm, it grew and it grew. She could hear the thunder clanging in hear head so loudly that at times she was barely able to focus on conversation. I don’t want to burden them, she thought. I don’t want to become narcissistic. Shhhh…. storm, please, please. She would wake early and think about how to rid herself of the storm, to be closer to the One her heart desired.
He walked with her every day. She sat at her desk and brewed. He sat with her, patiently. She got in her car and cried. He was with her. He waited for her to look at Him, but she was so busy sorting out the storm and painting her serene face that it was difficult. All the while, she never knew what she was doing. What keeps me from the one I love? What keeps me?
Look at me, daughter, look at me beloved, He spoke, but the storm was so loud…
Finally, He intervened. He brewed a storm on the outside to draw out the one within. Let her see that she is building her life on sand. He carefully weaved the storm, and allowed her real hurt. She could not smile on her own any longer. When you sit in a steamed room, the steam draws out the water within. So it was with her storm. The rain on the outside matched that within. She was no longer in control of her life, and she knew it.
She fell to her face and cried, Lord, I do not know the way to which you are going! He replied, I am the way, the truth, and the life. She sighed. She had heard it before.
No, daughter. There is no path to me apart from me. You do not get your storm together to come to me. The point is not your perfection, the point is me. Look in my eyes. Look at my hands and my feet. Look at me. Lock your eyes there, and do not look away.”
She looked up with tear brimmed eyes, so relieved at having the storm on the outside, and yet, fearful of losing control. What have I to lose, she though? This is not the way. She reached for His hand, and He caught her.

“We know have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, and not from ourselves.” I Cor 4:7

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go to late rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sheep.” Psalm 127:1-2

study blog break...

One thing about writing is, there's a lot of unnecessary pressure that goes into it. I don't think I'm a great writer. I'm alright, but not great. Sometimes, when my wit factor is especially low, I will just not write at all, at least not anything that anyone will read. But I'll journal. I'll lazily pour pages of apathetic musings, knowing that it's only me who'll read it. I'm not feeling too witty tonight, but tonight I am writing a blog.

And do you know what? I don't have anything new to say. I don't mean since the last blog, I mean, I have nothing new to add to the world. I used to think that was a great reason to never write at all. But I read in a great book that there is nothing new under the sun, and I don't think that means that we should just sit around and not create. Sometimes Grace, the girl I nanny, and I try to add something to the world that has never been there before. I think I got this from a movie, but I can't remember. So we'll do a crazy dance, or make up a word or a face, and just, add it. What she doesn't realize is, in a sense everything that we do is new. This is the first time anyone has ever sat in the chair I'm sitting in (which is really uncomfortable) with their feet up on the counter and their broken binder in front of them (I need a new binder) writing for a blog called somewhat abbynormal. In a sense, yes, nothing is new under the sun, but maybe in the same way that this is new, old things that are said and written need to be said fresh and written fresh.

I learned this semester that we are creative. Maybe I should say, I learned this semester that you are creative. Every single human, made in the image of the Creator, is creative and should do something about it. We shouldn't be exalting the precious few artsy people we know, we should be celebrating their gifts and making use of our own! Is it writing? Is it painting? Is it baking for a friend, or making a room look nice? Is it planning a fun date for your wife? Creativity shouldn't stress us out. That reminds me of a funny story. I had a friend that had a panic attack once when her boyfriend planned this artsy date in which he bought canvas and paints for them to use. It was kind of a riot. Most girls would swoon, she hyperventilated at the idea of having to paint something. But actually, this was a good thing. She knew herself well, and really hates painting. But she is actually one of the most creative people I know. She is constantly pouring into girls lives, looking for ways to serve her husband (yes, she married the guy), caring for her family in new ways, etc. It blesses me so.

On that note, the God of the Bible is the most beautiful Being I have ever been aware of. I know that sounds abstract, but I don't know how else to say it. Tonight, I'll be honest, He feels a bit far away. But that's okay, I have promises that assure me otherwise. Have you read the Bible lately? That God... wow. Loving, wooing, judging (in the old, good and noble sense of the word), fighting, pursuing, creating, rejoicing, grieving, redeeming. Yes, the Bible is a hard book. There are stories that don't make sense. Read it anyways. Fall in love.

I suppose that's all I have to say for tonight. In 5 days I will be done with finals. My mind is so tired, I can't believe I'm awake right now. My heart is also very tired. It is not troubled, actually, it's rather quieted at the moment. But tired, and needing a rest. It will come soon!

God, let this letter bless those who read it. Let my life, and tonight, count for eternity. Give us the grace to lift our eyes to the heavens. You are King. Amen