"I can say with reasonable confidence, 'I have fought the good fight of faith.'"

He is seventy-six years old and he qualified the above statement with, "though I have to wait to know for certain until the good Lord says, 'Well done, good and faithful servant.'" He has lived steadily, humbly, deeply for his seventy-six years. How rare. I know so many who walk away. I know so many who choose not to meditate, to reflect, to ask forgiveness.

I watch old friends change. I watch promises broken and terrible choices made. I watch the line between feast and debauchery be crossed, and then the feast is forgotten. The important thing is to not feel. To indulge. To feel good.

The man who said this last night shook sometimes when he spoke. He forgot what he was saying mid sentence. But he answered the question, "how?" "How did you do it? How did you live well and steadily?"

"Two things," he said. "I have walked with integrity of heart. And I have sought to encounter the living God."

Integrity. Integrated. These share the same root as the word integer. Whole number.There is much to say on this. But for now only questions. Is there wholeness in my heart? Do I disregard shadows? Do I make allowances, permissions? Do I grow accustomed to walking with a limp? I want to grow old and gray and wrinkly. I want to smile and lift my face to the sun and say, "I have fought the good fight."