I suppose

I suppose I'll blog today. Why not? When I walked among palm trees this morning, and now I'm looking at about two feet of snow in the mountains. When I'm drinking a glass of wine beside a wall of windows in the mountains of California. It's spring break and Lord knows I needed it.

I have sweet potatoes covered in olive oil, rosemary and thyme baking in the oven and I am making grilled avocado and brie sandwiches for myself and a friend. I spent the better part of yesterday curled up with a poetry book, carried by the words of better writers.

I've not wanted to pause the world the last few months. I've been a glutton of life. I learned new songs on the guitar and read Hunger Games and T.S. Eliot and Kathleen Norris and the Psalms. I stepped into the river of life, formed my body in the shape of a crucifix, and just floated, saying THANK YOU and accepting everything that has come my way. I've hugged students and been hugged, I've laughed and as the spring has come I have sat outside. I have friends with babies growing inside of them. I have other friends with cancer and we all have our broken hearts to share and exchange and mend.

Spring break began on Friday and I spent the first part with my parents. They live well and I live well with them. Then I hopped on a plane and spied on people. The woman next to me read a strategy book on dating. On the fourth date, you are supposed to be honest but yet mysterious. I'll keep that in mind. I eavesdropped on a family that didn't know I could speak Spanish. I asked for coffee and told the flight attendant she was lovely. She was.

And know I've broken open again. I'm in California and I'm writing. I can't stop. I am a student of life, and I am learning so much. I am a scientist, discovering my own heart and the heart of others, and I am an actress. I will live a tiny life and I will die someday soon, and I will be forgotten. But I will live it deeply. I will love and be loved. I will trust moderation, having known the sickness of needless indulgence.

I read this yesterday, and loved it. I hope you will too.

"Be sad, my heart, deep dangers wait they mirth

Thy soul’s waylaid by sea, by hell, by earth:

Hell has her hounds; earth, snares; the sea, a shelf

But most of all, my heart, beware thyself.”