what He did for me today.

God did some really great things for me today, really great. God is always so good, but for some reason today, he just loved on me. Here are two smallish ways...

1) I got sick at the gym while working out, and for some reason felt really dizzy. So I just went outside where my gym has this little outdoor track and garden. It is a small haven in a busy part of town, and I just sat under this awning and watched the storm and talked to God. It was just simple, beautiful, and redemptive (turning feeling yuck into something so good.)

2) Christen and I spend two hours at Cheesecake Factory talking about God, and how He's real, and how we know Him, and how we can do what we were created to do... worship. It was such a rich and filling evening (taste and tummy wise, as well as heart wise).

Here are two big ways, at least, big to me.

1) While at Cheesecake Factory, Christen mentioned that it was hard to believe that God loves us. I responded that yes, sometimes it's hard, but it is so great that whether we believe it or not, He loves us the same. And right then, in that moment, as I said it, I believed that God loves me. My mind flashed back to six months go when I prayed (as I mentioned in an earlier blog) that God would teach me this year about His love for me. I wrote in that earlier blog that God had decided to teach me about faith instead. But now, I see that love follows quickly on faith's heels. As I choose to believe, regardless of how I feel, God is pleased by my faith. To love Him is to obey him. And now I can honestly say that I believe God loves me in a deeper way than I believed it six months ago. May the same be true of me every six months, every year, as I grow to believe Him more.
Six months ago when I prayed that, I was sitting at a cafe journaling with Christen beside me. As I spoke the words, "God loves me" I gasped with realization that not only had He answered my prayer, he had allowed me to share both the prayer and the answer with my dear dear friend. How extravagant is His love! And then...

2) This could take too much explaining, so I'm going to be a bit brief and vague, but many of you know that I have struggled with some major anxiety in the past couple of years. God is teaching me so much through anxiety, and though it has been horrible at times, I can honestly say, I wouldn't trade it. My two most painful experiences with anxiety last year happened in restaurants. Once was in Deep Sushi with my father. We were out to lunch, and all of the sudden, for no apparent reason I was absolutely paralyzed with fear. It was totally irrational, and embarrassing to admit, but I couldn't think clearly, and was literally counting the minutes to when we'd be done. My dad and I have a good relationship, and when I got home to my apartment, I wept with frustration, not understanding why I felt like I did, wishing I could just calm down and enjoy his company. The other experience was similar, but about a month later in a restaurant with a bunch of friends. They were good friends, safe people, but nonetheless, I felt completely panicked, and miserable.
Well, today my dad came up to help me move some things, and we chose to go to Deep Sushi again for lunch. It was halfway through a peaceful, joyful lunch before I remembered my last experience there. And, amazingly, the waiter had sat us at the exact same table. This time it was so different! I was so different. I thanked God silently for the tiny picture of redemption in that simple lunch. Tonight, as Christen and I were driving back from dinner, I told her that story, and as I was telling it, remembered that my other anxious restaurant moment was at Cheesecake Factory! God allowed me to go to both places in the same day, with peace and joy in my heart. Again, how extravagant! The lunch would have been enough, but this was just too much. How deep the Father's love for us, indeed.

Amen!