what He did for me today.

God did some really great things for me today, really great. God is always so good, but for some reason today, he just loved on me. Here are two smallish ways...

1) I got sick at the gym while working out, and for some reason felt really dizzy. So I just went outside where my gym has this little outdoor track and garden. It is a small haven in a busy part of town, and I just sat under this awning and watched the storm and talked to God. It was just simple, beautiful, and redemptive (turning feeling yuck into something so good.)

2) Christen and I spend two hours at Cheesecake Factory talking about God, and how He's real, and how we know Him, and how we can do what we were created to do... worship. It was such a rich and filling evening (taste and tummy wise, as well as heart wise).

Here are two big ways, at least, big to me.

1) While at Cheesecake Factory, Christen mentioned that it was hard to believe that God loves us. I responded that yes, sometimes it's hard, but it is so great that whether we believe it or not, He loves us the same. And right then, in that moment, as I said it, I believed that God loves me. My mind flashed back to six months go when I prayed (as I mentioned in an earlier blog) that God would teach me this year about His love for me. I wrote in that earlier blog that God had decided to teach me about faith instead. But now, I see that love follows quickly on faith's heels. As I choose to believe, regardless of how I feel, God is pleased by my faith. To love Him is to obey him. And now I can honestly say that I believe God loves me in a deeper way than I believed it six months ago. May the same be true of me every six months, every year, as I grow to believe Him more.
Six months ago when I prayed that, I was sitting at a cafe journaling with Christen beside me. As I spoke the words, "God loves me" I gasped with realization that not only had He answered my prayer, he had allowed me to share both the prayer and the answer with my dear dear friend. How extravagant is His love! And then...

2) This could take too much explaining, so I'm going to be a bit brief and vague, but many of you know that I have struggled with some major anxiety in the past couple of years. God is teaching me so much through anxiety, and though it has been horrible at times, I can honestly say, I wouldn't trade it. My two most painful experiences with anxiety last year happened in restaurants. Once was in Deep Sushi with my father. We were out to lunch, and all of the sudden, for no apparent reason I was absolutely paralyzed with fear. It was totally irrational, and embarrassing to admit, but I couldn't think clearly, and was literally counting the minutes to when we'd be done. My dad and I have a good relationship, and when I got home to my apartment, I wept with frustration, not understanding why I felt like I did, wishing I could just calm down and enjoy his company. The other experience was similar, but about a month later in a restaurant with a bunch of friends. They were good friends, safe people, but nonetheless, I felt completely panicked, and miserable.
Well, today my dad came up to help me move some things, and we chose to go to Deep Sushi again for lunch. It was halfway through a peaceful, joyful lunch before I remembered my last experience there. And, amazingly, the waiter had sat us at the exact same table. This time it was so different! I was so different. I thanked God silently for the tiny picture of redemption in that simple lunch. Tonight, as Christen and I were driving back from dinner, I told her that story, and as I was telling it, remembered that my other anxious restaurant moment was at Cheesecake Factory! God allowed me to go to both places in the same day, with peace and joy in my heart. Again, how extravagant! The lunch would have been enough, but this was just too much. How deep the Father's love for us, indeed.

Amen!

random

I am pretty tired, but don't want to go to bed yet, so I thought I'd share a poem from the past.

Fitting In (to be read with a country accent)

Sometimes, when things don't fit, it kinda gets you down.

like when your cars to big for the parking spot,
or your pants don't zip and you know they ought,
or the freezer's jammed and you've got a bag of ice,
or your in the mood for chick flicks and your date brought poltergeist.

Other times when things don't fit, it kinda makes you smile.

like the large bearded man in the tiny green slug bug,
or the suddenness of a from behind hug
or the hippie wearing flip flops in the dead of december
or the smell at the mall that forced you to remember

the seventh grade, when nobody fit
and everything is awkward and life's a total pit.
cause you're working your tail off to figure out who you should be
though the moments when you just are, are the moments when you're free.

How Deep the Father's Love for Us.

Sometimes, life is so rich I feel like a life-glutton. Ali’s wedding was one of these times. On Saturday, moments before the wedding I stood at the back of the church waiting to walk down the aisle, and time stood still. Friends and family were all in the sanctuary, looking forward. Ali’s friends were lined up in front of me, and then Keila, my youngest sister, Katie, the next youngest, then me.

I should take a moment to write about my sisters. Oh, where to start. Honestly, I can hardly even write those girls names without tearing up. My relationship with my sisters is one of the most precious things I have on this earth. It may be the most precious. I love them more than life, and they me. There is a solidarity amongst us that has grown so strong these last couple of years. The reason? First off, of course, we are family. I was five when Keila was born, and the small difference that five years makes has grown smaller and smaller as we’ve grown older. Now I truly consider Keila one of my closest friends, not just my little sister. Secondly, each of these girls is devoted to Jesus Christ. They love Him so much, seek Him daily, are bold when initiating confrontation, and humble when receiving it. We pray together every time we get together. Please understand, this is no holier-than-thou speech. This is me, sitting in absolute awe and humble gratitude at what God has given me.

So I stood with my two beautiful sisters in front of me, and I looked back. There was my father (who deserves a whole blog for himself… he is… wonderful) and Ali, so small, with such significant joy and beauty. This was when time stopped for me. Just for a moment. I watched my sister kiss my dad, and felt the fullness of what was happening. God had written a love story, and two people full of integrity, compassion and joy, were joining to become one. My best friend was marrying the man she loved passionately. My little sister was leaving us, and there would no longer be four Lorenc girls. My dad was giving away his beloved daughter. The four of us were within five feet of one another, so close in distance, but while Katie and Keila and I shared much of the same heart, Ali’s attention was elsewhere, as it should be. The love for my family, the joy at God’s provision in Danny, the sorrow at saying goodbye to a season in our lives, the awe and worship that had welled up in me were just too much. Time stopped so that my heart could catch up, and I could start breathing again.

Life’s richness has continued to blow me away. Today I sat in an art museum with a beautiful friend, and we looked across the room at an enormous photograph of a young boy. It was full of deep blues, rose reds and golds, and the boy was poor and serious. I thought my heart would break because of the incredible mix of pain and joy, beauty and hideousness, sorrow and laughter all going on in the world. My eyes were swimming in tears, and we bowed to pray for the boy, and to thank God for creating this life. I know that the beauty is due entirely to the Creator, and that without a relationship with him, creation loses its very flavor and color. Not only is a relationship with God worth so much more than His blessings, but His blessings mean NOTHING without Him. I have to go now, but I am very blessed to be alive today. So are you.

To Ali and Danny

Tomorrow my little sister is getting married to a man who has won not only her heart, but the hearts of everyone in our family by his commitment to Christ and his love for her. Anyone who knows me knows that I admire and respect Ali as much as any woman in this world. She is steadfast, compassionate, mature and gentle, and she loves her Lord. I kind of knew she would marry first, though I would be lying to say I have dealt with it perfectly gracefully this whole time. However, I never really believed I would actually want her to marry and leave us. Until I met Danny. I can honestly say, my sister is better off in his hands. She is all those things I listed above, but since meeting him, she has become more comfortable in her own skin. He has loved her this short time with a love imitating the love of Christ, and because of this she believes more now than two years ago that she is precious in His sight.
Tonight at the rehearsal dinner the floor was opened to "roast and toast" the happy couple. It took forever, because these two have significantly impacted so many lives in that room. Each person stood up and praised Danny for his humility, his leadership, his intentionality in the lives of the men around him, and praised Ali for her faithfulness, her devotion, and the simple way in which she lives. I watched Ali and Danny as their eyes teared up, and know them well enough to know that they were deflecting the glory to their Lord, knowing these good things are from Him. There was no self-depreciation in their eyes. I saw humble gratitude there, and Christ was glorified.
This time tomorrow, Ali and Danny will have left the reception, and I have no doubt that there will be a small hollowness in my heart where they are now. But the overwhelming sentiment will be joy at what God can do in two people that love him, and gratitude that I get a front row seat to their lives. My sister is out now, spending a few more minutes with her fiance. And when she gets back it will be one more night of pj's, excitement, and Lorenc sister solidarity before she goes. I'm going to go now and soak it up. But before I did, I just had to give one more toast. To Ali and Danny. May your life together glorify our God.

the storm

She had a storm inside of her. She felt it brewing months ago, but hushed and hushed and hushed it. Wasn’t her life supposed to be characterized by peace and joy? Shhh… she whispered to the storm. I am not supposed to feel you.
She smiled and became more centered on the outside. She spoke truth into the lives of others. She shared her faith. But the storm, it grew and it grew. She could hear the thunder clanging in hear head so loudly that at times she was barely able to focus on conversation. I don’t want to burden them, she thought. I don’t want to become narcissistic. Shhhh…. storm, please, please. She would wake early and think about how to rid herself of the storm, to be closer to the One her heart desired.
He walked with her every day. She sat at her desk and brewed. He sat with her, patiently. She got in her car and cried. He was with her. He waited for her to look at Him, but she was so busy sorting out the storm and painting her serene face that it was difficult. All the while, she never knew what she was doing. What keeps me from the one I love? What keeps me?
Look at me, daughter, look at me beloved, He spoke, but the storm was so loud…
Finally, He intervened. He brewed a storm on the outside to draw out the one within. Let her see that she is building her life on sand. He carefully weaved the storm, and allowed her real hurt. She could not smile on her own any longer. When you sit in a steamed room, the steam draws out the water within. So it was with her storm. The rain on the outside matched that within. She was no longer in control of her life, and she knew it.
She fell to her face and cried, Lord, I do not know the way to which you are going! He replied, I am the way, the truth, and the life. She sighed. She had heard it before.
No, daughter. There is no path to me apart from me. You do not get your storm together to come to me. The point is not your perfection, the point is me. Look in my eyes. Look at my hands and my feet. Look at me. Lock your eyes there, and do not look away.”
She looked up with tear brimmed eyes, so relieved at having the storm on the outside, and yet, fearful of losing control. What have I to lose, she though? This is not the way. She reached for His hand, and He caught her.

“We know have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, and not from ourselves.” I Cor 4:7

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go to late rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sheep.” Psalm 127:1-2

study blog break...

One thing about writing is, there's a lot of unnecessary pressure that goes into it. I don't think I'm a great writer. I'm alright, but not great. Sometimes, when my wit factor is especially low, I will just not write at all, at least not anything that anyone will read. But I'll journal. I'll lazily pour pages of apathetic musings, knowing that it's only me who'll read it. I'm not feeling too witty tonight, but tonight I am writing a blog.

And do you know what? I don't have anything new to say. I don't mean since the last blog, I mean, I have nothing new to add to the world. I used to think that was a great reason to never write at all. But I read in a great book that there is nothing new under the sun, and I don't think that means that we should just sit around and not create. Sometimes Grace, the girl I nanny, and I try to add something to the world that has never been there before. I think I got this from a movie, but I can't remember. So we'll do a crazy dance, or make up a word or a face, and just, add it. What she doesn't realize is, in a sense everything that we do is new. This is the first time anyone has ever sat in the chair I'm sitting in (which is really uncomfortable) with their feet up on the counter and their broken binder in front of them (I need a new binder) writing for a blog called somewhat abbynormal. In a sense, yes, nothing is new under the sun, but maybe in the same way that this is new, old things that are said and written need to be said fresh and written fresh.

I learned this semester that we are creative. Maybe I should say, I learned this semester that you are creative. Every single human, made in the image of the Creator, is creative and should do something about it. We shouldn't be exalting the precious few artsy people we know, we should be celebrating their gifts and making use of our own! Is it writing? Is it painting? Is it baking for a friend, or making a room look nice? Is it planning a fun date for your wife? Creativity shouldn't stress us out. That reminds me of a funny story. I had a friend that had a panic attack once when her boyfriend planned this artsy date in which he bought canvas and paints for them to use. It was kind of a riot. Most girls would swoon, she hyperventilated at the idea of having to paint something. But actually, this was a good thing. She knew herself well, and really hates painting. But she is actually one of the most creative people I know. She is constantly pouring into girls lives, looking for ways to serve her husband (yes, she married the guy), caring for her family in new ways, etc. It blesses me so.

On that note, the God of the Bible is the most beautiful Being I have ever been aware of. I know that sounds abstract, but I don't know how else to say it. Tonight, I'll be honest, He feels a bit far away. But that's okay, I have promises that assure me otherwise. Have you read the Bible lately? That God... wow. Loving, wooing, judging (in the old, good and noble sense of the word), fighting, pursuing, creating, rejoicing, grieving, redeeming. Yes, the Bible is a hard book. There are stories that don't make sense. Read it anyways. Fall in love.

I suppose that's all I have to say for tonight. In 5 days I will be done with finals. My mind is so tired, I can't believe I'm awake right now. My heart is also very tired. It is not troubled, actually, it's rather quieted at the moment. But tired, and needing a rest. It will come soon!

God, let this letter bless those who read it. Let my life, and tonight, count for eternity. Give us the grace to lift our eyes to the heavens. You are King. Amen

Grace, grace, grace

I figured since I listed my blogspot on my most recent update letter I should probably... write something.

A quick update: Today is April 15th, and that means that in 22 days I will have completed my first year at Seminary. Supposedly that means I have half-mastered something. I hope my future employers will forgive me for what I'm about to say: I'm not sure I'm going to have quite mastered anything by the time I get out of here. But I am learning. I'm in Trinitarianism, Soteriology, Old Testament I, and Intercultural Communications. Just one of those subjects would be enough to occupy my heart and mind, and with all of them, I am busting at the seams. But I am so happy, so thankful to be here. I know it is useless to try to absorb absolutely everything that I learn. So I'm just praying that my heart stays soft in the midst of all this head learning.

God has faithfully answered that prayer all year long. He wants my devotion to be fully His. He wants to be first in my heart. And I want Him there too. If my heart starts to harden, or I wander, He gets my attention. Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's really painful. But nothing satisfied but Jesus, so the stripping away is good. How many times will we have to be taught this lesson? How many times will I attempt to place my trust in something else?

A friend of mine told that one time she was holding hands with her boyfriend. For some reason or another, she let go, and his grip immediately tightened. She told me it reminded her of God. When we let go, He doesn't. He grips us. I am so thankful, and so held by Him.

why am i inside?

Part I: she sees the storm

green against blue is lovely, and soft
but green against gray has a harsh beauty
that I sometimes prefer.

today is one of those days.

today the clouds are strong and solid
and so many different shades of grey
it's amazing there's only one name.

against this sky the leaves of trees are strong,
inviting the storm, irrationally unafraid,
dancing and laughing as they shake.

sadly, i’ve found myself in a room with no windows,
haunted by a guilty sense of irreverence at having walked out
(or walked in?)
on the skillful weaving of such a storm
to sit inside wood paneled walls.


Part II: she escapes institution through imagination

upon further inspection, I suspect that these walls
were once California oak trees
(the ones that are actually the legs of giants).
yes, they were legs of giants,
giants, before they were captured, divided,
tamed and polished
to make this dignified classroom.

so yes, i'm inside, but not in a room
i'm inside the severed leg of an ancient giant,
if i close my eyes,
i can almost feel him move.

Faith

This semester, God has been teaching me about faith. I didn't ask for a lesson on faith. I asked him to teach me about love. I did a lot of thinking and goal setting on New Years, and prayed that God would help me to see His love for me. But He chose to start with Faith. Now I am sitting in my apartment, listening to the wind howl, thinking, God really knows what He is doing. The thing is, imagining saying I love you to a child holding her hands over her hears singing as loud as she could. She wouldn't hear. She wouldn't believe. How can God show me He loves me when I won't believe it?

I have a serious faith problem. But I have a seriously gracious God. See, I want faith to be this great, rapturous feeling. I want to KNOW God is with me all the time. Essentially, I want faith to be sight. But God is asking me to trust and obey, to "act like what God says is true is true," regardless of how I feel. The thing is, God loves me, whether I feel it or not. Whether I see it or not. This is what I call GOOD NEWS.

And we glorify Him when we act in faith. When we trust and obey Him. Also good news. So even if I am a fearful, anxious, crazy mess, when I act in faith, God is honored. I am so thankful I don't have to get it together to be used by Him. I just have to respond to what He is leading me to do, and to trust Him. This isn't easy, but it's okay. We don't have to worry about messing up. Can I get an AMEN?!

So God loves me. I believe it. What a funny way to teach me about love. I wanted sunshine and flowers. He lets me go through haze, and asks me to trust Him. But oh, His ways are better than mine. I know this is true. I pray, as I'm writing this, that whoever reads this will be filled with Faith in the One True God, and put their trust in Him, and His word.

Psalm 1, Jer 17

Beautiful

I saw the sky with diamond stars
From the southern hemisphere.

I let her strong caramel voice
Calm and soothe my fear.

I put my hands into the glass
And touched an answered prayer

I watched them walking hand in hand
With aged and gentle care.

a key to joy?

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Col 1:17

I live in a small but lovely two bedroom apartment with three beautiful and incredibly diverse girls. The four of us are about as different as different can get. There is Chimgee, from Mongolia, a woman of God whose faith and perseverence humbles me to my core, Karen, my precious friend from Hong Kong, who always listens well and lives to please her Lord alone, Jessica, a stylish, creative and hilarious artist from Oklahoma, who loves to laugh and share, and me. More about the three of them later... they deserve a blog each. But that's just background for my story on thanksgiving.

This morning, Karen and I woke bright and early to have quiet time before class. Karen walked into the kitchen, turned on the sink and garbage disposal, and it started growling at us in a way that definitely meant it was unhappy. I walked over to inspect it with her, and we found that there was a handful tiny popcorn kernels down in the bottom... not particularly garbage disposal friendly. I reached my hand down, but they slipped and jumped and refused to be caught. It took about a full minute to grab just one. The last thing I wanted to be doing at 7 in the morning was sticking my hand down a dirty drain to fish for tiny popcorn kernels. My first response was pretty much bitter frustration. It was not cute. But then, Karen and I decided that for each popcorn kernel we pulled out we would say something we were thankful for. One at a time, we reached in, grabbed one, pulled it out, and thanked God for our apartment, his provision, something. I know it sounds cheesy, but I don't even care: It worked and our hearts changed.

God amazes me. He truly changes our hearts as we obey him. He can turn something nasty into something beautiful. Sitting in traffic, waiting in the grocery store line, having a friend forget to meet you... When we start finding things to be thankful for, or countenance just changes. This is just one more incredible blessing of being in the body of Christ- we really can be thankful, and joyful, in the most, for lack of better words, "blegh" situations.

inspired

Last week I had a hard week. But it ended pretty good. Then this week, I had a hard week. But it ended good. I'm not even sure what I want to write right now, but I know that I am so inspired, I have to write. I think I'll write about the things that inspired me this week.

1) Todd Wagner. The speaker at the DTS chapel and pastor of Watermark church. This man is rooted and grounded in the Bible, and I think as he spoke more of God's word poured out of his mouth than his own words. As a result, my soul received a splash of cool water as he reminded DTS students of who God is, and what he wants to accomplish through His church. A few of the highlights: We are sanctified, justified, made right with God, empowered with his Holy Spirit, and He wants to and will do a magnificent work through us, if we will just believe Him.

2) A woman who I met with today (who I think would prefer to remain nameless) who opens herself up to be used by God, and spoke such truth into my life, I again felt completely refreshed and uplifted. She reminded me to not look to my generation, or the people around me to tell me who I am, but to look only to God and His word. She made me laugh, and when I said something ridiculous about feeling like I wasn't worth much, she actually said, "I think I can say from a more informed perspective that your feelings are completely out of touch with reality." I LOVE IT!

3) U2. I don't need to waste anytime touting Bono, but God used him and his band and his music to remind me that I want to live an extraordinary life. I want to be poured out as a drink offering to my Lord. God gave Bono music, and a heart for the widows and orphans, and he is obeying. God didn't give me music, I'm still trying to figure out what He's given me, but He gave me SOMETHING, and I want my life, this blog, this night at my apartment in downtown Dallas, everything to be poured out for God.

Let's just think for a moment about Fear. I'm talking, capital F, Fear. This is what the Enemy uses most in my life, to paralyze me, to make me completely over analytical, to stop me dead in my tracks. The word fear is used 326 times in the NIV Bible. Most of the time, it is commanding people who claim to follow the Lord to fear their God. This kind of fear means awe, reverence, a recognition of how Huge God is, and how small we are in significance. Most of the time, we lack this sense of fear. But the thing is, this God we should Fear, is the very one who cast out all other fear! (1 John 4:18 says "there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear.") So we don't need to be afraid. Of failure. Of punishment. Of messing up. Of being rejected.

Oh, how I long to live a life that counts. How I long to see the Lord work in extraordinary ways. How I long to walk near to him, trusting Him day in and day out. Again, I write this to who knows who and without shame. If you don't know Him, ask me. He's the best thing that ever happened to me.

crossing cultures

I´m sitting in a casita in Puebla, Mexico, writing this blog because I have been dying to write all day. I´m here on vacation with my childhood friend Erika Wright. We came with our backpacks, passports, and excitement for a little adventure. It didn´t take too long. We arrived in Mexico City and boarded a bus for 2 hours to Puebla. We were supposed to stay the first 2 nights with a woman named Lorna that Erika had lived with when she studied abroad. On the bus Erika told me that Lorna hadn´t returned her emails or calls in about a month, so she wasn´t completely sure she knew we were coming. I smiled and said we´d go with the flow.
Sure enough, we arrived at the bus stop, caught a taxi to the families house, knocked on the door, and no one answered. It was dark, the streets were pretty much empty, and we were two gringas with backpacks looking slightly lost. So, we walked to a main street and started looking for a bus to a downtown area where we could find a hostel. We walked for awhile and decided to go back to check, just to be sure. Knock. Nothing. Erika started yelling, "mama, mama," and by God's grace eventually disturbed the neghbors enough to come out and see what was going on. We told her, and she called Lorna´s cell phone. She found out that Lorna had completely forgotten that we were coming, and that she was with a bunch of people at a bar about 15 minutes away. We left our backpacks with the neighbor and climbed in another taxi to hunt them down. We found them without much trouble, and I just thought, 'I love this.'
I love the unexpected! I love this part of being out of my comfort zone. We got to the bar at about 10, stayed till 12, and then went to Lorna´s daughters house with random family members and friends. and stayed there until 2 in the morning. I was absolutely dying, though, of exhaustion (I had woken up at 6 to drive from Dallas), and of cold (there is no heat or air conditioning in Puebla, and the house we were in was probably 55 degrees. And I thought my dad was torturing us at 70°.) But we sat and talked about anything and everything, ate and laughed while they drank and smoked. Thankfully, my Spanish was returning quickly so I could participate and laugh with them. By the time we got back to Lorna´s house I was so tired I could hardly see straight, and it was too late to get our bags so we just went upstairs and fell asleep, no toothbrushes, no big deal. While we went to bed, Lorna and her daughter in law stayed up to start making turkey for the next days festivities. I could not believe it. The Latino culture is so great in this way. It seems totally chaotic and spontaneous to me.
Today we woke up and toured all around the city, cathedrals, markets, parks, etc, and tonight we are going to celebrate the new year with the family. Right now I am sitting in Lorna´s bedroom while her 35 year old son plays Halo on the xbox, his wife combs their sons hair, Erika eats candy on the bed, and Lorna waxes her upper lip. This is so different and fun, and good for my heart.
Erika and I have been praying a lot for the family, the town, and ourselves here. It is hard to see emptiness in a culture that is so full of life and love for their families, but both of us together have been reminding each other of His word, and praying for Eternal focus, even on this little vacation. God has been graciously giving us opportunities to love on the family, and we are praying that we would be bold to obey Him, and that His light would shine through us. We´d love your prayers.
Un beso, Abby

It is better to give than receive

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Acts 2:42-47

I didn't want to write this. No, I did want to write it, but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to write it well enough to do it justice. But I gave up waiting for divine inspiration, sat down on my couch with a pillow and a few Triscuits, and set myself to the task of telling you all about the beauty I have been a part of this week.

Last Thursday I was out to eat with my Youth Minister in Dallas, and when I left and drove to work, I reached back under my passenger seat to grab my backpack. To my shock, it was not there. I knew immediately that someone had broken into my car and taken the bag, containing my laptop computer with pictues, creative writing, and a semester of Seminary, none of which I had backed up. In just a few moments I had lost so much! I cried, talked to policemen, cried some more, talked to my dad and a good friend, cried more, and went home. There I had some time to sit and think about what had happened.

The policemen had said to me, "It's just things. They can be replaced," and I thought, "No, it isn't just things. It's pictures and all of my creative writing, poems, stories, and my notes from 3 months of class! How can you say 'just thing?!'" But as I sat and looked over the city of Dallas and prayed and cried, I realized that I was wrong. Those are just things. Just because something is irreplaceable doesn't make it any more eternal. I lost things, that's all. As I sat there, my Lord comforted me, and I knew it was okay to be sad for awhile about the things I had lost, but never to pity myself or to let my eyes fall away from what is eternal.

I had a lot to do that night in terms of getting notes from people, emailing my professors, figuring out how on earth to afford a new computer, etc. Instead, I baked banana bread for my roommates and neighbors. Baking was good therapy, you should try it.

The next morning, just before chapel, a friend of mine approached me and told me that she, along with 6 other of my good friends, wanted to do something for me. The eight of us had been planning a roadtrip to Colorado in which we would all pile into one car and live on PB and J, stay with my uncle, and just enjoy one another. They decided to cancel the trip and instead donate the money we would spend on gas to helping me get a new computer. Instead of going to Colorado, we would plan 3 full days of community and fun in Dallas. You can imagine my total shock. I didn't want to take it, to be honest. It is better to give, and difficult to receive. I mean, I need a computer, but surely God would provide in another way. As I prayed about it I asked, "Really, Lord?! Is this how you want to provide?! These are SEMINARY students! They do not have excess money!" But as I prayed alone and with them, we decided that this was the best decision. We cried and hugged, and the joy and love in this group was incredible. Later, another saint called to say that whatever we could not pay for he would help with. How can I express how humbled I was? I can only pray, and never repay.

It was worth it, to lose the computer, and all of the files on it, to see Acts 2 lived out in these people. I lost some pictures, funny movies, some writing. But I've never taken a picture as beautiful as the love in their eyes. And I've never written a poem that moved anyone as much as the words, "We want to help you," moved me.

God has given me so much. A computer is great, but He owns everything! He has given me something better- supportive friends, the chance to go to an incredible school to learn how to handle His word better, and most imporantly, a redeemed, restored relationship with Him. I pray this story gets used up. I pray that my friends have needs soon that I can help meet. I pray that because of this, people will come to know my God. I am so in love with Him, it hurts.

May He cause His face to shine upon you,
Abby

The Good Life?

If some people (Brent McKinney), think that I am going to post every day my musings on life, those people are mistaken! Surely you have better things to read daily than my thoughts (try Brent's blog, the BBC news, or Till We Have Faces, by C.S. Lewis)... so I am going for once a week! And that is pretty dang good if you ask me.

DTS has been good, and hard. But honestly, I am thriving here. My respect for and reverence of God's word is growing so much, and I am more convinced than EVER (in spite of very difficult questions) that I am serving the one true God, and that his Bible is inspired. At the same time, I am filled with questions about this life I am living, and how to live it WELL. There are so many needs in this world, in this country, in Dallas, in the library I am sitting in right now, that my heart hurts. Just this week I read about forced prostitution in Thailand where girls and boys younger than I had fathomed are sold into the sex trade. Later I read about how 1500 languages in Africa still have not one book of the bible. Then I think about my neighbor, a full time student who has four kids, a wife whose health is faltering, and is unable to find a job... it can get overwhelming...

"Only one life, twill soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last." My friend Bill prefers to say "in" Christ, and I think I like his revision. My heart breaks for the people in need around me, and I commit my life to loving others as best as I know how, but always, ALWAYS for the sake of, and IN, Christ. God did not create me to run around like a chicken with my head cut off "meeting needs." He created me to LOVE Him, and to love others. I cannot do the latter when I neglect the first, and furthermore, there is no joy in it.

I heard someone once say, "The only Christian leader I know of who didn't have a 'gottago gottago gotta save the world' Messiah complex was, in fact, The Messiah!" Jesus rested. He talked, he had relationships. He went away by himself for awhile. He did not life a frantic life. But lest we read this and use it as an excuse for "selfishness," let's remember his sacrifice. He created the world, and then entered into it as a man. He knit people together, and they crucified him. No, Jesus did not live a frantic life. But he did lead a life of loving sacrifice. Oh, how I long for my life to look like his! For today, the only thing I know is I must spend time with him, and pray as I try to love others well.

Please pray for me as I look for direction and guidance, and as I seek to put Christ first in all I do. Pray for yourself too! Also, please look up around you, at the woman in the checkout line in the grocery store, at your neighbor, at your children. What needs to they have? Could God be calling you to serve them by helping to meet them? Oh, how I love Jesus! If you know him, I pray you walk closely with him today. If you don't, please email or call me and we can talk, or ask someone you think might know.

I'm sorry for this being a bit preachy! It was more like "thoughts" than an update. But whatever!
May God be glorified in all we say and do!

A New Way of Updating

Beloved Family and Friends,
In my ideal world, I would be able to sit with each of you, a bible, and a cup of coffee, and talk with you about what God has been doing in my life, as well as listen to what God has been doing in yours. But I am forced to give up that little fantasy, and for now I have decided to make use of technology, and update you all sporadically via posting on the web. I will still continue the once every couple of months emails, but will hopefully put up more stories of what God is doing, as well as prayer requests.
I don't like it, not one bit. Virtual communication is not my thing. But phones are difficult too. YOU, on the other hand, are important, so if this honors God and blesses you, then I'll keep it up. Hopefully it will do both.
I hope to hear from you all soon!
Abby Jane